The Unusual Adventures of a One Man Crew
by personwholikesbleach
Summary: In which Luffy has voices in his head (that also happen to be people from other universes).


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 **|the unusual adventures|  
|of an one man crew|**

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Prologue:

When Monkey D. Luffy wakes up on his sixteenth birthday, he feels like somebody's stomped on his head real hard (like the time Ace accidently drank Gramp's beer), hard enough to give him a tremendously horrid headache.

And some really, _really_ lucid hallucinations.

 _Who are you?_ says a voice, rather anxious-sounding and high-pitched. _Where am I? This doesn't look like Italy very much... HIEEEEEEEEEE! Irie-kun must have done something wrong on another one of his experiments!_

Luffy whips around nervously (instantly regretting it as his head _pounds_ ), but he's alone in the dim lighting of his bedroom. He can't recall any place called 'Italy' or somebody named 'Irie-kun', but maybe that's just the headache speaking. Or maybe this is just another weird dream. He pinches himself on the cheek. Nothing happens.

 _Ouch!_ cries another voice, lower than the first, this time indignant. _What was that for, huh? What did you do to me? Why can't I move? Let me go! I'm Uzumaki Naruto, who's going to be the next Hokage, dattebayo~! So let me go!_

 _What the hell is happening,_ deadpans a third voice, mature, and rather irritated. _This better not be one of Geta-boshi's stupid experiments... oi, Hollow! Zangetsu, where are you?_

 _What?_ snaps a fourth, rougher than the rest but somehow strikingly similar to the third voice. _I was sleeping before you very rudely woke me up- where the fuck am I?_

 _Calm down,_ says a fifth voice, the only one so far belonging to an older man- all the other voices so far have been young boys.

"Who are all of you?" Luffy blurts out, confused. "Where are you? Why can't I see any of you? Are you guys ghosts? That would be really cool, because Ace says that ghosts don't exist, but if I can prove they do he'll be wrong-"

 _Holy shit,_ says a sixth voice, _I think we're in this guy's head._

 _Language, brother,_ reprimands a seventh voice, but there is an anxious undertone. _Who are you, though? Why are we in your head?_

"I'm Monkey D. Luffy," he answers, "the man who's going to be Pirate King! I don't know why you're in my head, though, but it's really cool, _shishishishi_. Who are you?"

 _I'm Alphonse Elric,_ says the seventh voice, _and my brother's called Edward. You can call us Al and Ed, I guess. We're from Resembool, which is in Amestris. Have you heard of it?_

"Nope," Luffy says, shaking his head. "I'm from Foosha Village, on Dawn Island. It's in the East Blue. Which sea are you from?"

 _I never heard of any East Blue,_ panics the first voice. _Oh god, oh god, oh god... Reborn is going to_ kill _me if I don't find my way back to Vongola soon..._

 _What's going on?_ says a new voice, the first one belonging to a girl. _Eh? This doesn't really look like Alice Academy... where's Hotaru? Why can't I move?_

 _We're stuck in someone's head,_ explains the third voice impatiently. _Nobody knows what's happening, not even the guy himself_.

 _GUY!?_ shrieks the girl. _I'm in a_ guy's _head? Oh, grandfather, I'm so sorry for not listening to everything you've told me about guys..._

 _It's no big deal,_ snaps a tenth voice. _Don't make such a big deal out of it._

 _This is a rather... interesting concept,_ admits an eleventh voice. _My name is Kuroko Tetsuya. I'm from a somewhere called the Tokyo Prefecture. It's located in a country called Japan._

 _That's where I'm from, too!_ cries the first voice, relieved. _Japan. I'm from a town called Namimori. It's in the Hokkaido District. My name's Sawada Tsunayoshi, but please, call me Tsuna. It's nice to meet you._

 _I go to school in Tokyo,_ says the girl, also sounding reassured. _I'm Sakura Mikan from Alice Academy._

 _Hn. Tokyo Metropolis_ , states the tenth voice. _Seishun Academy. Echizen Ryoma._

The third voice coughs. _I'm from Karakura Town. It's in Western Tokyo. Kurosaki Ichigo. Old man Zangetsu is the... well,_ _old man who talked earlier. I guess that was pretty obvious, anyways, but... eh. Oh, and my hollow doesn't exactly have a name- just call him Hollow._

 _Oi!_ cries the fourth voice, but does not protest further.

There's an awkward silence as Luffy waits for the next person to speak up, but nobody does. "Is that everybody, then?" he asks. There's a collected murmur of assent among the voices in his head. "Well, as I've said before, I'm Monkey D. Luffy and I'm going to become the Pirate King! So... how did you guys get here in the first place?"

 _I told you, I don't have any fucking idea,_ Edward- no, _Ed_ , snaps. _I just woke up and boom, I was in your fucking head._

"Well then," Luffy says, a bit discouraged at the lack of information. "Do you guys know how to fight?" Because if he has voices in his head, they should be _awesome_ voices in his head, darn it!

 _I was a damn dog of the military when I fucking twelve,_ Ed reveals with a bitter snort. _Major rank, youngest state alchemist ever instated. And Al joined it when I joined, so he worked for the military too when he was fucking ten. So... of_ course _we know how to fight._

 _I'm the man who's going to Hokage one day!_ Naruto practically screams, making Luffy wince at the sheer loudness of it all (even if he _didn't_ have a hallucination-inducing headache). _I'm the most awesome ninja of Konohagakure!_

Ed scoffs. _Yeah, you totally are. Pfft... a ninja like you? The Hidden Leaf Village must be really weak if someone like_ you _are in their ranks._

 _Don't. Diss. The. Ninja._ Naruto growls. A dark, menacing aura makes shivers run down Luffy's spine.

 _HIEEEEEEEEEE... Please don't fight please don't fight-_ Tsuna says, before things can escalate further. _I'm the tenth boss of the Vongola Famiglia_. _It's the biggest mafia family in Italy_.

 _EHHH?!_ Mikan screeches. _Really? You don't sound like a boss._

 _And what would a boss sound like?_ Ryoma snorts, with an amused undertone.

 _Like Natsume_ , Mikan admits, and suddenly her voice has taken on a dreamy quality not very different from the one Makino wears when talks about her boyfriend. _Calm, I guess. Confident. Handsome..._

 _Natsume?_ Ed asks. _Is that your boyfriend or something?_

 _NO!_ Mikan practically shouts, her tone panicked. _He's a first-class jerk who likes peeping at my- girls' underwear! He always calls me Polka-Dots or Strawberry because-_

 _WE DON'T NEED TO KNOW,_ choruses half of the voices in tandem.

Luffy wonders how the conversation ended up _there_ of all places, before shrugging absentmindedly. "So, do any more of you know how to fight?" he asks.

 _I can nullify people's Alices,_ Mikan says. Luffy blinks and wonders what an 'Alice' is. _And I also inherited a Stealing Alice from Mom, which... which means that I can steal other people's Alices too_.

 _That's very interesting, Sakura-san_ , Tetsuya states. _I'm afraid that I have no ability to fight, though... I have a very weak presence, however, and most people don't notice me until they do. I take advantage of that in my basketball. I'm a passing specialist._

 _What's this 'bas-kit-ball?',_ Naruto asks. _How come I never heard of it?_

Ryoma scoffs. _It's a sport from_ my _world._ He emphasizes the 'my', letting it drag on for an uncomfortable second. _You wouldn't have heard of it. I play tennis. They call me the Prince of Tennis._

 _I've heard of you before, Echizen-san,_ Tetsuya admits, _in Sports Weekly. They had an article about you after Atsushi-kun's interview. Kise-kun was very interested._

 _Oh,_ Ryoma acquiesces. _Are you part of that famous basketball group? Age of Wonders, was it not?_

 _Generation of Miracles,_ Tetsuya corrects. _I was the phantom player._

"So... you don't fight?" Luffy asks, who's mind is wired on Food Fighting Food Pirates Food Awesomeness Food and the occasional Deep Thought, which is something that only happens once in a blue moon and means disaster is on the way.

 _No,_ Ryoma says bluntly.

 _No, I do not,_ echoes Tetsuya.

Ichigo finally speaks up from where he had probably been brooding in the darkest corners of Luffy's mind. _I'm a substitute shinigami,_ he explains, _somebody whose job is to send souls- Pluses, they're called- to the afterlife. I have to defend them from Hollows, which are basically Pluses who lose their heart to regret or despair, who like to eat Pluses. However, those are just the lowest rank of hollows- there's also Menos Grandes, or Gillians; Vasto Lordes and Arrancars, which are way stronger because they're a bunch of cannibals that eat each other to survive. And people like me, who have Hollows inside their heads, are called Vizards. I introduced you to Hollow earlier, right?_

"What?" Luffy asks, confused by the long monologue. "So the guy with the super rough voice was actually a giant evil soul-eating Hollow that exists inside your head?"

 _Yeah, he's the guy you heard earlier,_ Ichigo reaffirms him. _He's not that bad, once you get to know him. Just... annoying. You'll get used to him trying to kill you after a while_.

Luffy gulps, and he's not the only one within the group. Mikan shrieks, Tetsuya remarks, _How frightening,_ and Naruto babbles about how this is just like the evil demon fox sealed inside his stomach that keeps on trying to take over his body... wait, what?

 _How come you didn't say that earlier!?_ Tsuna shouts, panic evident in his voice. _We're all going to die! HIEEEEEEEEEE!_

 _ **SHuT uP, YOu lOWlY sCuM,**_ says a voice, low and rough, something ancient and clearly _dangerous_. Luffy can't _move_ , because there's _fear_ paralyzing his to the floor, gripping at his throat and constricting his lungs-

And then the voice is gone, replaced with Naruto's brash voice shouting at 'Kurama' to stop ' _scaring my friends_ ', and he realizes that maybe having a bunch of powerful people inside of his head isn't exactly as awesome as he thought it would be.

* * *

 _So,_ Alphonse says, _I've been meaning to ask you about this earlier. But... if we're inside your head, does this mean that we can take over your body?_

"Do you want to try it?" Luffy asks, a bit subdued after the killing intent issued to him by Naruto's resident demon fox. "I mean, that would be really cool! You could do all sorts of amazing things with my body!"

 _We should,_ Tsuna agrees, no longer stuttering as he had been for the past few minutes. _Who wants to try it first?_

 _I do!_ Naruto says enthusiastically.

Luffy braces himself, willing silently to let Naruto take the reigns, and suddenly there's an unpleasant, gut-wrenching _feeling_ as he's cast out of the body. He sees what Naruto sees, feels what Naruto feels, but he can't do anything but float in this weird limbo. And think.

"This is so cool!" Naruto shouts, moving wildly about the room. "I can feel my _chakra_ now! _Kage Bushin no Jutsu_!"

There's a poof of smoke as something appears- in a corner of Naruto's peripheral vision, Luffy spies a strange shape. Shadow Clone Technique? What's that all about?

"Hiya, Boss!" cheers the strange _clone_ \- that was the only thing to describe the other person in the room- as he skips and bounces. Luffy finds it very strange to view his mirror image acting so... strange. "What do you want me to do right now?"

 _Perhaps it would be best if you would switch with someone else right now, Uzumaki-san_ , Tetsuya suggests. _Would your..._ technique _dispel if somebody else were to use this body?_

"Alright," Naruto agrees. "Um... Ichigo, switch with me!"

 _What!?_ Ichigo says, before Luffy feels the same gut-wrenching feeling as before. "Holy shit, this thing actually works." The clone dispels into smoke once again, and Luffy can _hear_ Naruto's pouting that the clones last only as long as Naruto's soul is in place.

 _Wait,_ Luffy says, having a sudden non-idiotic (extremely-rare circumstance) idea. _Ichigo, pinch your cheek and pull as hard as you can._

"Why?" the boy snaps, but complies anyways. The cheek does not stretch, leaving behind only a stinging, throbbing sensation. "What was that all about?"

 _I ate the Gomu Gomu fruit when I was younger,_ Luffy explains impatiently. _It means my body is made of rubber. It stretches._

"Wait," Ichigo says, before catching on almost immediately. "So you're saying that my powers are only in affect when I'm in this body, and the same thing happens for each of yours?"

 _That would make sense,_ Tetsuya mutters. _After all, the 'chakra' Uzumaki-san used earlier suddenly appeared right after he came into the body. I suppose that he must have learned it before he was imprisoned in this body._

 _So when we're in the body, it means we fend for ourselves?_ Mikan asks, voice slightly lilted with anxiety.

 _Yes, that's exactly what he means,_ Ryoma says cockily. _We need to all become stronger- or one wrong move, and we're dead._

* * *

 **Characters in Luffy's mind:**

-Monkey D. Luffy _(One Piece)_

-Sawada Tsunayoshi _(Katekyo Hitman Reborn)_

-Uzumaki Naruto _(Naruto)  
_ ~Kurama _(Naruto)_

-Kurosaki Ichigo _(Bleach)  
_ ~Hollow Ichigo _(Bleach)  
_ ~Zangetsu _(Bleach)_

-Elric Edward _(Fullmetal Alchemist)  
_ -Elric Alphonse _(Fullmetal Alchemist_ )

-Sakura Mikan _(Gakuen Alice)_

-Kuroko Tetsuya _(Kuroko no Basuke)_

-Echizen Ryoma _(Prince of Tennis)_

* * *

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End file.
